


The Case of the Reclusive Delinquent

by perch



Category: Yankee-kun to Megane-chan
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-20
Updated: 2009-12-20
Packaged: 2017-10-04 16:29:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perch/pseuds/perch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Noir style as pulled up by the Yulegoat. This is an AU featuring Shinagawa and the others (Chiba, Adachi & Hemiji) as adults in a cracktastic noir variation of the first several story arcs. Teen rated for swearing and violence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Case of the Reclusive Delinquent

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ultimi Scopuli](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Ultimi+Scopuli).



The Case of the Reclusive Delinquent

The sky spit rain down on the local dive in Mon Shiro district in the staccato beat of a brat throwing a tantrum. I was busy inspecting the latest writing on the stall of the men's room for any interesting leads or the latest on the lovely big tittied bounty hunter Momoko when she popped her head over the door. We held eye contact for long enough to grow uncomfortable and short enough for the surprise not to quite have worn off. Short, near-sighted by the looks of those glasses and sporting twin braids that framed a sharp face she was the nearby local big to-do society good girl, Ms. Hana Adachi.

"You have to help me!" she blurted out, hanging over the stall.

"Get the hell off the stall!" I yelled, pulling my shirt down.

"Don't worry I didn't see anything important," she carried on, not breaking eye contact, but pretending to hide her eyes behind one hand.

"That's not the fucking point," I said, emphasizing with a kick to the door. She held on like a pro while it swung forward and backward, partially off the hinge and I pulled my pants back up.

"Who comes looking for a detective in the bathroom?" I asked myself, washing my hands while she pulled herself down and patted off.

"You weren't in your office so I decided to check here," she stated matter-of-factly like this was the most logical place to look for a detective.

"After asking the bartender..." I started, but her expression evened out into a blank stare and I found myself pushing the heel of a hand into my own face hard enough to remind me this wasn't a bad dream.

"You've got to help me," she continued.

"I already said I wouldn't so stop following me around," I finished drying my hands and walked back through the bar and out the front door. There were a few looks from the others since she followed me right out of the bathroom, prattling on about the matter at hand.

Somehow little miss perfect here wanted me to go with her to talk to a local recluse who had shut himself in to his house by the name of Chiba. Apparently he had seen something he wasn't supposed to and now was hoping no one would come by and ask any unfortunate questions. Where did the aforementioned stall clinging Ms Adachi fit into this scheme? I had no clue and wasn't interested in finding out.

A man sees something he's not supposed to and doesn't have the sense to hide out any place further than his own home is asking for trouble.

"Why don't you ask Detective Izumi?" I asked, walking back towards my apartment agency or that is to say, my agency which just happens to be run out of the apartment I live in with my sister. It just works out easier that way and she doubles as the maid. Never mind.

"I did ask him, but he kept talking and talking," she began.

"And?"

"I came to you," she said, as if that made perfect sense.

I waited for a minute, thought better of it and kept walking. This brunette was dizzier than a drunk blonde at a strip club.

"You used to be a gangster," she tried again, "and I need a gangster to solve this problem."

"That makes less sense," I said, "why would my former delinquency have anything to do with this problem."

"I figured if one delinquent talked to another it'd go faster."

"So this Chiba guy is a delinquent?"

"No, he's perfectly straight."

"Then why does he need a delinquent?!"

"That's a great question!"

Just keep walking Shinagawa, just keep walking. I don't know why this dame had an obsession with my helping her, but she'd been trying for two weeks straight. I was surprised this Chiba guy wasn't dead...unless that was the point. I stopped and looked down at her. Obsession. Pretty, a good girl. Ex-delinquents. Bad boy complex?

I think I was on to something.

"So Ms Adachi, why not just admit to the fact that what you really want is me...".

And she walked right by me.

Ignored? Me? I watched her walk around the corner and disappear from view. Maybe I just struck a nerve. Or maybe I was just ignored. After I picked my jaw off the floor I walked back to my apartment for some much needed shut eye only to run into a sugary sweet looking blonde copping a squat in front of my apartment door. She looked like the best hoods in the neighborhood, smoking a cigarette with a litter of them around her feet and eyeing one of the neighborhood strays like it'd called her fat.

"You want to mess with me," she asked, and I caught myself looking around until I realized she was talking to the cat. "I'm the bloody pantheress. I'll tear you apart."

The cat backed off like I felt like doing, sauntering back down the alley way and the blonde dropped further into her crouch smoking her cig with a satisfied air.

"That's right, don't come back bitch," she drawled from the corner of her mouth. Prize looks, gutter mouth on her. I hesitated to go in but then I remembered my balls and figured if I didn't make eye contact with the crazy broad everything would run smooth.

This lasted for two seconds until she saw me and leapt up.

"You seen Hana?" she asked.

I looked down at her and tried to piece together her and Ms Hana Adachi and kept coming up with a jigsaw puzzle put together with a sledge hammer.

"She said, she was gonna ask you to help her on this case," the blonde continued, dropping her cigarette and grinding it under her shoe.

"I told her we don't need you and could take out those gangsters just the two of us like back in the old days, but she said we needed you. I don't need you, she said we needed you. She doesn't need you either. We just need you for this," she continued, "you can stop falling in love with me. I'm not that type of girl, you're not my type, this isn't my type of place, so be gentle."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I asked, wondering why I'd run into two crazy dames in one day.

"Like I said, we need you for this job," she said, sounding exasperated and talking more slowly, because that was exactly what I needed- a woman who had a staring contest with a stray cat talking down to me.

"Right," I said, opening the door to find my sister offering the aforementioned Ms. Adachi a cup of tea and smirking at me with a 'you're totally fucked' expression on her face.

My head felt good where it clunked against the frame of the door.

"I'll pay you triple your going cost," Adachi said from the dilapidated couch and that pulled me out of the new forehead indent. I sized up her clothes, her reputation, minused the crazy blonde, factored in the probably-already-dead-at-this-point client and multiplied by my going rate and came up with yen signs so I went ahead and took a seat across from her, not bothering to take off my hat while I waited for her to finish her tea.

"Okay, I just need to talk to this Chiba guy and find out what he knows?" I asked.

A cup of tea later and we were on our way, the crazy blonde now missing from my front stoop. Probably ran after another stray. I shrugged off the unease and entered into a comfortable stride next to Adachi. Somehow we made it to Chiba's house without incident and after only getting lost enough times for me to realize that Adachi has the direction sense of a senile ficus. I tried to read her badly scrawled directions and then stopped and got better ones from a local.

Chiba's house looked dark and foreboding.

"You sure he's even still alive?" I asked.

"It's only been a couple of weeks," she started.

"I'm still getting paid even if he's not."

She gave me a bland expression so I leaned on the doorbell. While I was busy doing so we heard some noise around back and wandered over to take a look. Three tough looking gangsters were busy aiming some bricks at an abused window that already had a few brick shaped holes in it.

"Chiba, come out, we just want to talk to you," they said, loudly enough for half the neighborhood to hear it and the other half to pretend they hadn't.

The curtains flickered near a hole and I had to stop myself from cheering. Either nosey squirrels had taken up residence or he was still alive, either way I was getting paid. That was enough for me to help the locals with their brick problems by way of my fists.

"What's Chiba got on you guys to make you come calling with presents," I barked at the still semi-conscious one.

"What the hell you talking about? He started with us," the gangster said, peering at me bleeding.

That just made me confused and I dropped the punk on the floor and looked up at the window. A face peeked out from about six feet up in the air, a scar marring his brow and a fierce glare on his face.

"Chiba?" I asked at Adachi.

"I guess so?" she responded, busily poking one of the unconscious men with a stick. "I don't know what he looks like."

"So why are you helping him?" I asked, dropping the guy out of my grasp.

"He's part of the committee I'm on and he hasn't come in to meetings for weeks, so I want to take care of this problem so he'll come back."

"So this is all about you?!" I asked and then pried my head off the fence spike it'd gotten attached to when I clunked it down. Things are damn sharp.

"Well, he's saved, so where's my payment," I asked, and Adachi stared at me again.

"He's still in the house," she stated.

"Chiba get your ass out of the damn house," I yelled in the general direction of the window. The curtains fluttered shut.

"Dammit," I muttered. Just then several more cars rolled onto the street, their headlights glaring at me in a way I'd phrase more cleverly but I was tired. They were bright, it was dark and I was pissed off.

"Hey Chiba," I yelled again, "if I get these guys to leave you alone you're going to come out of that damn house and go to the committee or I'll make you leave it."

The guys stepped out of their cars, some with chains, some with bats, some with damn broken bottles. This was going to be fun.

"Why don't you guys just leave him alone," I started, because that was a lot of people and because I wanted to get paid, eat some grub and then get some sleep.

They responded by swinging a chain so I jumped in. I was making pretty decent progress and only bleeding from a few wounds when I noticed Adachi had been caught by a couple of guys.

"Back off or we'll hurt her," they started, holding up a knife to her throat.

I was in a tight situation and tried to think how to word my response when one of them snatched her glasses off her face.

"Give those back," she said.

The gangster's started laughing.

"Just let her go guys and I'll back off," I said, dropping the guy I'd been slugging and holding up my hands in the universal surrender sign. She was a pain in the ass, but I couldn't let her get cut up payment or not.

"Give me back my glasses," she said again.

"We want Chiba," the gangster said, ignoring her.

"My glasses," she said again and then slugged the guy in front of her full on, toppling him into a wall. She round house kicked the guy behind her, impressing me with her ability to do that in a dress and do it in general and then the shit really did hit the fan.

There were screams, broken bones, blood and crying coming from the gangsters while she worked herself out of those braids. The action culminated in a drop kick across the alley before one of the gangsters dropped his chain, yelled, "I didn't realize it was Hana Adachi! We won't fuck with him again, I swear!" and ran screaming from the street.

She looked fiercely beautiful and vaguely familiar standing there with her hair blowing in a too convenient breeze, before smartly putting her glasses back on. I found out from one of the fleeing gangsters that she'd been tough shit in their district before mysteriously disappearing a year ago. And now look at her, presenting herself as a modest, goody-goody.

"Why did you need me if you could have taken care of this yourself," I asked her.

"I'm trying to be a good girl now," she responded, "but I didn't know how to ask for help from the police or talk to normal people. I needed a delinquent."

"So that's why you came to me."

"I didn't want to get violent," she responded, looking around slightly sadly, "I want to experience life as an upstanding citizen."

"So you moved to this town to start fresh."

It all made sense in a twisted way.

I glanced at the window and saw the curtain fluttering. Hopefully he'd heard that, but damn with a glare like that, even I was starting to get unreasonably pissed off. He probably picked up shit every damn day. No wonder the guy was a recluse.

"Well, he doesn't have a reason to stay holed up anymore so case solved!" I announced gleefully rubbing my hands together. "Now about my payment."

Adachi smiled at me and pulled out her purse. She then shook it, looked inside, got a confused expression on her face and held it upside down into her open palm. One hundred yen coin rolled out.

"Oops," she said.

I just reacquainted myself with the fence spike one more time.

"Seriously, this was really all about your attraction for me wasn't it?" I asked.

She just adjusted her glasses firmly on her face, glared at me like I was shit on the bottom of her shoe and said, "Don't talk to me," before walking off.

I think I'm starting to like the sensation of this spike a little too much.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my husband for doing a quick beta for me.


End file.
